Healing doesn't mean the old insecurities never come up again; it means they don't automatically get to make your decisions anymore.
Healing is very interesting.
After years of doing the work, learning myself again, setting boundaries, and finding my peace, something new comes along. A new relationship, friendship, career move, or opportunity, and suddenly my old insecurities start rearing their ugly heads. Healing doesn't mean I ignore those feelings because sometimes hesitation is wisdom that experience has taught me for a reason. On the flip side, there's also a point where protection can become a prison, yet we can have guardrails without allowing our walls to become a hindrance.
It's easy to say “I've healed past xyz” when no one has access to my heart. The real test comes when you're given another opportunity to trust, receive, or simply let someone in. Can I communicate instead of assuming, or receive kindness without looking for a catch? Can I recognize a real warning sign without creating one because I'm afraid of something new? Can I maintain my boundaries without making someone else pay for what another person did?
As mothers and women, we're so accustomed to carrying, fixing, protecting, and simply getting things done that sometimes receiving support feels more vulnerable than giving it. Healing is learning that I can still take care of myself and allow someone to care about me.
Part of my healing has been learning that independence doesn't mean I have to carry everything alone. Accepting support doesn't make me less capable, and allowing someone into spaces I've protected for so long doesn't erase everything my past has taught me. My experiences taught me how to recognize what I need, deserve, and will no longer accept. Those lessons weren't meant to keep me behind a wall; they were meant to help me move forward with wisdom.
I can protect my peace without closing off my heart. I can feel the fear without allowing it to lead my decisions or actions. Healing isn't reaching a place where we're never afraid to open our hearts again. It's recognizing the fear, acknowledging what it taught us, and understanding that we don't have to let it hold us back.
Healing has taught me that I don't need to know exactly where something is going before allowing myself to experience it. I can keep the guardrails I've built while slowly taking down the walls I no longer need. I can trust what I've learned, trust myself to recognize when something isn't right, and still remain open when something is. One day at a time, I can allow life to unfold and simply see what happens next!
